my dad just went on a super long rant abt how the right is the only way that makes sense and leftist politicians just want to take away everyone Successfuls money and how hes Obviously gonna vote for spolu and i was like Hmm i dont know anything abt anything but wouldnt it make more sense if [leftist point] (to make it seem like the leftist point is the Common sense point) and he was like BUT MY TAXES  and i didnt have the courage to ask him abt gay marriage

and he was like U know how thatcher . and i was like Wait i thought thatcher was bad ? and he was like NO OMG SHE MADE ENGLANDS ECONOMICS GOOD !

also he said hed vote for trump .How do i tell him he has two trans children

springsteenesque (from 15/6/21)

me skipping school in september and going to look at milan kunderas house and then going to a random bus stop 40 minutes from where i live and sitting there in the rain for 3 hours was very springsteenesque

everything about class trip if ur not in the main big social circle is extremely springsteenesque

like the sitting on the grass in like 3 people and sometimes playing random music and going to a random lake and staying there til its dark and then going Oh shit its dark and then staying there for 20 more minutes and someone randomly tells the group their life goals and then you go back and want to hold someones hand cause thats what you do if youre a teen walking in nature in the dark but you dont cause you really dont know any of these people that closely and then staying in front of your chatka and thinking Wow i cant wait to be out of high school this place sucks .  but then you feel bad cause u like some of the people even tho u dont know them but then ur like Wow i rly dont Know anyone here and i just spent so much time with them and u know its gonna rain tomorrow . thats springsteenesque

(no subject)

just explained twin peaks to my german doucovani girl and i think i sweated a bucket this was so embarrassing

she was like did u watch any shows lately or do u just watch youtube :) and i didnt want to tell her but also i didnt want to look like i only watch youtube (and the other show i currently watch is called "mortimer and whitehouse gone fishing" so that wasnt an option) so i was like Uhhhh theres this show called twin peaks its from the 90s its a detective drama but theres also paranormal stuff . and she was like Hmmmm twin peaks i think ive heard that! and she smiled SUPER HARD and i was like HELP SHE DEF HAS SEEN TWIN PEAKS AND IS JUST SAYING THIS SO I WOULD TALK MORE and she asked what i liked abt it and i with my a0 german tried to explain how theres so many symbols and metaphors but theres also super thought out characters and it was SO FUCKING AWKWARD

like . i cant believe im explaining twin peaks to a woman who was my age when it was on tv

(no subject)

theres so many vintage books on etsy abt flowers and gardening n stuff :( n i just know harold smith would love them so much

broke: browsing books on etsy for christmas gifts for besties
woke: browsing books on etsy for hypothetical gifts for a dead fictional man who gets 25 minutes of screentime in the 51 hours of his media

And i would get a nice pen and write an inscription i would write For Harold and i would write x and i would write the year and i would write From Ellis and someone decades later would find it and think 🥺 and sell it on etsy


in conclusion
in conclusion

on sean lock, to lucie

12:11 [i found out, so many texts so many NO WAYs so many OH GODs NOT REALs YOUNGER THAN MY DADs]

12:25 nobody like him. literally nobody like him

— on the scale of things that are not possible thisis . up there
— christ

12:29 lucie: are u ok
— HI

12:30 thank u for coming online btw i need to . Conversate with someone
— god

12:36 no im sorry but i woke up at 7:50 first thing i see bob dylan is getting sued for sexual assault of a minor . second thing i see he wasnt even at the place of the crime when it allegedly happened . i go pick up my new shoes and buy a monster and update my website and im so content with life . And sean lock dies
— god
— christ


energy drink records looking alright
energy drink records looking alright


this is the music history of a person who just had a fav comedian die but also has new shoes
this is the music history of a person who just had a fav comedian die but also has new shoes

13:20 god its been an hour i cant stop thinking about him
13:21 ive literally known him for 8 months why am i like this


my dad reads seznam every day and he also knows i like taskmaster and sean lock wasnt in taskmaster but maybe my dad will ask me abt him \God
my dad reads seznam every day and he also knows i like taskmaster and sean lock wasnt in taskmaster but maybe my dad will ask me abt him \God


no im sorry to keep bringing him up but its an INSANE feeling to see all these its like . Its not supposed to happen u know? like “comedian sean lock” isnt supposed to “dies aged” ???? hes supposed to be there at the back of my mind doing comedy being on tv  as always u get me ???  its like theres a mistake somewhere in the matrix u know like this is Not Supposed To Be Like That
14:26 same as with sophie like for a few days i kept seeing these headlines and it wasnt rly like . sadness or anything it was just a feeling of This Is Wrong
— have u had anyone famous die like this pls tell me if u also felt like this reading all the headlines cause .

16:34 ohhhh my god sean lock is dead sean lock is no longer alive sean lock isnt living anymore sean lock is gone there will never be any more sean lock anything his life is DONE forever
— like . a man who is 2021 for me
16:36 not some guy from the 70s i liked but SEAN LOCK he was supposed to be right now
— god this is sophie all over again

16:47 no im sorry but its such a weird feeling when u remember we are in a post-sean lock world
16:49 like ? sean lock is NEVER going to exist again NEVER in the future of the entire universe there isnt going to be sean lock ever again
16:50 idk sorry
16:52 ive only had one close irl person die at a time when i already understood what rly happened and that was my grandpa in january 2018 when i had so much wild shit going on with myself so i just sat there kinda and continued with my life also i was 13 so i dont rly  . Know whats actual grief so sorry if im being too dramatic over someone like this but
— maybe its the la boheme german version



18:01 thinking abt the obituary bit he did on catsdown and at the end he said You cant write tears  like . Why did u say that funny man

18:07 i remember when u watched carrot in a box that mustve been like february
— still the best 8 out of 10 cats moment tbh

— idk which one u watched but 🥺

18:28 i think u watched the rematch
— theyre both absolute classics tho

19:08 no im sorry but i cant look at his face and know hes dead ????  THIS MAN did NOT do the action of DYING u know ???
— also like
19:09 youre not supposed to die at 58??? hes 58 hes on tv catsdown on youtube for me to watch and new episodes and
— like god
— thats SO young
— like
19:10 sean lock isnt supposed to “died far too young” sean lock is supposed to live out a life and be an old man in the future when im an adult with a job . but he died far too young
19:12 like . from now for my entire life anytime sean lock is mentioned theyll say “a genius gone far too soon” or something like that and its just like . this is NOT supposed to be said about sean lock
— like he will forever be Died Far Too Young

19:14 im making no sense
19:15 i think im relating all this to rik mayall
19:16 cause rik mayall one of the most popular respected british comedians ever died in 2014 at 56 and ive been consuming a Lot of rik mayall content this year and its just . SEAN LOCK IS GOING TO BE TALKED ABOUT THE SAME WAY AS RIK AND I CANT IMAGINE THAT
19:17 like . for me sean lock is just . sean lock a brilliant funny panel show guy that i love on catsdown ! but from now on hes only ever going to be discussed in the same way as rik mayall
— and i think im having issues w everything suddenly switching to that
— idk
19:18 when bruce dies hmu

19:35 no im sorry but ive seen all these clips so many times its insane to see them again knowing he just Will never experience a day again like Its done theres nothing more for this man
19:37 cause ive seen them so many times as funny compilations to brighten up my mood and now its called A Tribute To Sean Lock???? what the hell

19:42 this is just like sophie but also so different idk why

19:45 cause like U remember the time when i watched the entirety of catsdown in like 10 days??? i was literally spending all of my time with sean like . no matter what i did for those 10 days i always had catsdown on . and then i watched other panel shows and kept coming back to compilatons and kept seeing him over and over and laughing with him and stuff like . idk how to explain but
19:47 i feel like he had a much bigger presence in my life than sophie but then sophie meant more to me as a symbol u know ??? idk if this sounds insensitive but just like . i didnt spend as much time with sophie but i appreciated her in a deeper way ?
— so the ways of dealing with their deaths are different
— idk
— just saying words
19:48 and its wild cause sophie died like a week after i started watching catsdown
19:50 if u told me when sophie died that this year sean lock will also die i wouldnt believe u like its so .unreal cause its a panel show uknow??? its funny tv on youtube on phone hes supposed to Be Here and Do Things

19:54 god im so sorry u have to see this u dont deserve to read all this


god imagine this is u imagine ur jason manford id lose my mind if i sent this text
god imagine this is u imagine ur jason manford id lose my mind if i sent this text

20:20 idk how im gonna sleep today Godbless thank u sm for coming online

21:32 no im sorry i still cant believe it like every time i see a headline it hits me like a train again and again

like ??? this feels so fake
like ??? this feels so fake

idk how to describe it but its like the biggest issue i have is the change u know ???

21:37 like hes been such a huge part of my life i dont think ive gone a day without thinking of sean lock for 8 months and now hes just ??? never gonna be anymore until the day i die hes never gonna say another word like the guy i watch on the panel shows is completely In The Past u know ????????? when til today hes always been In The Present

21:39 idk
— :/
— sorry


see william knight thats what i cant figure out with sean
see william knight thats what i cant figure out with sean

22:22 Going to sleep rn forreal finally . thank u for talking to me abt sean

AUGUST 19TH 2021

8:20 i cant stop thinking abt him
— like . sean lock isnt SUPPOSED to be dead
— ugh




im sorry but this is NOT REAL
im sorry but this is NOT REAL

this feels inspect elemented u know ??

petr muk headcanon (what lucie didnt read)

petr muk headcanon
petr muk headcanon

sorry to actual petr muk ily very much but . Uknow

:( he would be way too powerful if he looked like this im listening to his johanka z arku songs (again) and im just imagining him spreading his hands while singing if he looked like that that would be so gender its a very specific thing but its extremely gender

dalas jim vic man . . . :( imagine him outside a musical theatre setting without lucie bila like in a dimly lit bar him in a suit with one hand in his pocket the other either holding a drink or snapping his fingers kinda moving his body around the mic but without moving his feet u know ? and he looks like that daguerreotype
like in a frank sinatra type setting

ugh i literally just be making up guys

bishop peter trimble rowe & family cca 1897 (fwd from lucie's chat)

insane how this was an event that happened and not just an image or artwork or anything like there were real people with real vivid memories from this day u know ?? idk if im making sense but its so weird to think about

cause ive been looking at it for the past 10 minutes and to me it feels the same as a drawing u know ? like that eurovision vampire thing i saw earlier today and this are on the same level to me u know ? but in reality its an actual thing that actually happened like u could smell and touch this event like the water and the boat and the fabric of the clothes are all actual real concrete things that existed at that point in time??  u get me ??? and thats wild to think about

am i making at least a lil bit of sense . that talking heads liveshow but its start making sense

  • Current Music
    john browns body - pete seeger

i think i will be at peace when bob d*es

cause rn im thinking about it lke every day and i now its about to happen soon but idk when and when it finally happens i will be a mess for like 12 days and then will finally feel better

i mean . i hope bob doesnt die ever but i just wish it wasnt like . Around the corner

(but also what happened with that guy on cesky rozhlas whos besties with kundera who in like november said hes in really bad condition and cant get out of bed and stuff ??? and kunderas still going)

.....there are two wolves inside of you one wants bob to live an exceptionally long life the other gets anxious because hes alive . you are me

and when j*** d*es maybe i will be able to get through at least the first minue of diamnds and rust without crying cause their story will be like . History u know ? it wont feel like real people anymore
joans gonna live forever tho i know that but bob ??

yes its the best song ever written yes i cant listen to it <3 its therapy and anti-therapy at the same time its so many things at the same time its such an intense experience but its literally just a song

  • Current Music
    if i had a hammer - odetta

(no subject)

i am so sick of google classroom i am so sick of gmail i am so sick of internet i wish it was unspecified pre-globalization era and i was the guy that puts up public event notices on the big board in the middle of a village
i love being online i love shiny surreal technology stuff i love websites but sometimes i just wish my biggest concern was finding coins in my coat pocket to buy the morning papers with